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D.E.C.A.Y
 

Dredging up the pain from the deepest crevices within,
I feel it burrowing, Forcing its way through to my Soul,
Taking me far, far away - into the black swirling mists of Nothingness.
No lanterns to light my way, just . deep, dark, Consuming Emptiness, and a
Void unable to be filled with even the Sweetest Smelling Love.

Entering the very depths of my being.  Insanity?  Perhaps!
But there awaits a welcoming smile from a place which has known of Me
Before - before I've escaped its clutches, time and time over!
But has it taken me this time for sure?
Reaching out into the thousand silken chords which 'twine and twist as they
Try desperately to envelop me in their softness;
For they hear my cry "protect Me"; "hold me" . and oh, how I want them to.
For I so need to be 'held' a while.
No fear within their Stifling, Tightening Suffocation tonight.

'Catharsis' someone called my words today.
But how they burn the very essence of me in their struggle to be heard.
Unable to make sense of a world which pervades another . unable to make
Sense of another which pervades a world.
"Scrambled eggs" my thoughts just cried .
Why yes, but that's just the entrée in this Feast of Fears and Masquerades.

And how I pray to "Whoever The Hell Can Hear Me!" in this Midnight Frenzy
And seemingly endless pit of despair - but in silence I implore the Truth of
How it is for me, for I feel no place within - or without .
Confusion heightened, a tortured, tormented Soul is mine for sure.

Yet then I lay through veils of tears, and feel Her swallowing me Whole, as
My Spirit fights for just a time to rekindle a light so far away, ethereal -
But nonetheless present .
But all too soon - fragmented once more.
Where did I go? . Where did I begin?  Was I ever here, there or anywhere?
For a moment, a glimpse of the familiar saffron coloured tenderness enters
My Pot - then fritters away in Her sweet breath as faerie dust, taking my
Own with Her as my cries become meaningless - even to me - a paradoxical
Silhouette - dark against dark.
Who then can possibly understand when I speak in such riddles of this place
Within, where I simultaneously excoriate and fight to Nurture My Whole?
Who indeed?